How do you feel when you hear the word “friendship”? It varies for every woman. The idea of having friends is exciting for some and brings reluctance for others. I think its important that we dissect the idea of friendship; having friends and building longevity within these needed bonds.

I believe there are several things that are important to know:

We need friendships

Friendships need time and space to grow and evolve

Our friends are not always replicas of ourselves

Our friends serve different purposes

How do you best bond with women? The way we made friends as little girls may not be the same way we befriend women. Our experiences with females will definitely affect the way we approach a potential friendship. One thing that needs a lot of healing and work is the sisterhood. We have a natural attraction to one another; near or far. We can compliment another sister, celebrate a sister and support a sister. We can also feel slighted by a sister, betrayed by a sister and insulted by a sister. Yes, healing and work is needed in the sisterhood.

Each of us have the responsibility of being our sister’s keeper; the keeper of her heart, her secrets, her vulnerabilities and her dreams.

It takes work to be a true friend. Friendship requires energy, sacrifice and availability. It becomes clear how much bandwidth we will have with some girlfriends over others; it depends on how much each sister needs.

Here’s a big one; the way that we resolve conflict can be very different. A lot goes into that: personality, culture, history with the person, upbringing and conflict resolution styles. This is where waters can get murky. Do you take the time to work through conflict or do you gloss over it? I believe friendships should be weather proof and that will require a test here and there. Some friendships may not experience them; at least not out loud but a little trouble in sister-paradise doesn’t have to be the end of the story.

What do you give to your sister friends? What do you need from your sister friends? Are you good at communicating those things?

As we get older its clearer that it takes work to get together, stay in touch and keep traditions or make new ones. We are moving about our lives, finances, marriages, careers, romantic stages, and adventures and it takes much more effort to say “hey it’s been a minute let’s put something on the calendar”.

Let’s take a quick look at the different types of friendships as provided by Psychologist Marissa Franco:

1.Best friends

A best friend is someone whose friendship we consider the strongest, most intimate, or most important to us among all our other types of friends.

2. Social friends

A social friend is someone who you spend time with regularly because they’re fun to be around. They’re someone you go to when you are in the mood to socialize, have a good time, and exercise that extroverted part of your personality.

3. Low-dose friends

According to Franco, low-dose friends are the type of friends who we like at “low doses.” “We might like them if we only spend once a month with them, whereas for other friends, we want to spend every day with them”.

4. Group friends

Group friends are the people who you share a friend group with. You may see and talk to them regularly as part of the friend group, though you might not necessarily spend time with them one-on-one.

5. Situational friends

“We can have friends that are confined to certain circumstances,” says Franco. These context-specific or situational friends are people who we connect with meaningfully in one specific setting or situation, but the friendship doesn’t transcend to other parts of your life.

6. Work friends

Our work friends can be considered a type of situational friend. But they’re particularly unique insofar as almost all of us spend a significant amount of time at our jobs, and the type of camaraderie and support we need when it comes to our careers and work lives is different from what we need from any other type of friend.

7. Lifelong friends

A lifelong friend is someone who we’ve known for all or most of our lives. They might be a childhood friend or someone we met in high school, and because of the shared experiences as adolescents, you continue to stay connected.

8. Life-stage friends

As opposed to lifelong friends, life-stage friends are those people who you connect with over being in similar life stages. Whether you’re both recent grads, new parents, or single and trolling the dating apps, these are the friends you feel like you’re really able to relate to when it comes to what’s currently going on in your life.

KEEP IN MIND that who you are to these friends may not be the same category they have for you and vice versa. I think it is clear to know the level you’re on with your friends, and there is nothing wrong with tiers of friendships just be clear.

It can be true that some friendships will not last a lifetime but search your spirit and heart to know if the time has come to end a journey with a sister. Ponder how you will complete that journey; it doesn’t have to be rude or confrontational. Every person we’ve encountered plays a role in our growth and well-being. I encourage you to bless it for what it has been and move forward without bitterness, remorse or offense. It will be healing for your well-being. Let it go but wash your tongue of any malice.

The goal is to age with some gals by your side. As I get older and lean more into my womanhood I recognize that all of my strength does not lie solely in me. I am a sum total of my God-given strength but also the strength infused in me by good sisters. For that I am forever thankful. I have learned how to lean more on my tribes knowing that it is their pleasure to hold me up. A village sits with you, cries with you, listens to you, corrects you lovingly, mourns with you, forgives your discretions and travels through the hills and valleys of womanhood with you.

May you know this kind of friend. May you be this kind of friend.

Be Well. Be Whole.

See you in the comments!